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Humans have always had a complicated relationship with technology. In today's world, where screens seem to come in all sizes, and our use of them becomes a significant part of our daily lives. We use our smartphones and computers for everything from productivity, consuming news and content, connecting with people, and doing many jobs. We have become completely reliant on technology for pretty much every aspect of our lives. Most grownups are at a point where they accept this as reality and have a love-hate relationship with their devices. We want to disconnect from our devices, to relax, to just be… but many of us don’t actually know how. There is a constant fear that if we disconnect, even on vacation, we will miss an important message from our family, or maybe from work. We are caught up in this cycle, and many have the same fears, such as having AI take over one day, outsmarting humans, or that our data and identity will be at risk.
But the much more prevalent concern many have these days has to do with our children and teens using devices. Technology is moving, literally, at the speed of light. While adapting as parents, and our legislator system… well... Not so much. There are very few laws and restrictions that actually protect us from the harms of technology… and that includes our children and teens. Parents who are not knowledgeable or careful enough might give their children and teens a device with no restrictions or supervision… unaware there is nothing standing in their way of accessing harmful content and people.
So what should we do as parents, adults and educators?
Let's acknowledge the undeniable allure of technology. The digital world offers endless entertainment and connection. However, like any captivating force, moderation and thoughtfulness are key.
Have an age-appropriate conversation with your children, about the pros and cons of technology, and give examples of harmful things they should let you know about if they come across. You have to talk about social media wit your tweens and teens… and tell them what they should look out for. FOcus on the feeling. If it makes you FEEL uncomfortable, depressed, lonely, not good enough etc… that is not the right content and people for you.
For younger kids, you can focus the conversation on setting rules and boundaries for screen time and let them know what to expect.
Since we all know it’s very hard to disconnect our kids and teens from the screen, there have to be some limits and boundaries that are known to all. You can make whatever rule works for your family and supports your needs.
Avoid abrupt ending to screen time, as it will create a problem. Instead, you can set a timer, you can give a warning, and you can inform ahead of time that you will be allowing one episode, for example, which is in a finite time. My personal favorite: ask your child how many more minutes they need. That allows the child to be in control and respects them too. If they say they need 30 more minutes, and that’s not an option, you can say something like: “That’s too long for our schedule. Do you want 5 more, or turn it off now and get back to it later?”.
Have a plan for what comes after screen time, and make sure they know the plan before they go on their device. Going outside, leaving for an afterschool activity, doing art… etc… having a plan for after screen time gives more structure.
Set restrictions and protections on their devices based on their age. For younger kids, set devices to know the child’s age, so the content is appropriate. Avoid apps that are not meant for kids or can’t be limited, like YouTube (there’s a kids’ safer version). For older kids you can use an app like Bark, that scans for harmful content and will alert you as needed, it can also be used to block certain content and websites.
Preview new apps you kids want to download. For younger ones especially, avoid games that give rewards and prizes, and that are too sensory stimulating. You can check out the app Pok Pok, for young kids for a good example.
Promote Digital citizenship. In a world where online actions can have real-world consequences, it’s important to make sure our children understand responsible digital behavior. Teach them about privacy settings, the permanence of online content, and the power of their digital footprint.
Follow your own rules for tech! If you ask something of your child/teen, do the same for you.
If you feel like your child/teen’s relationship with tech is getting to be dangerously unhealthy, don’t wait. Find professional help. Ask for suggestions from your pediatrician, or psychologist, or contact a specialized parent coach. Help out there!
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