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Read-A-Thon at Radburn
Recently, my son's school completed a Read- A-Thon, which is a wonderful fundraiser where children read as much as they can, log the minutes, and have people support them by giving contributions. My son was so excited to participate and support his school, even though reading is still not his favorite thing…
My son’s journey with reading didn’t start easy.
Although he’s a bright child, and great at math, reading did not come as easily to him.
He’s the kind of kid that it’s all or nothing. If reading didn’t come easily, then he must be really bad at it and there’s no hope. However, unlike other hobbies and interests in life, you can’t really give up on reading. So we had to keep going… and we had to find a way to make it work.
As an avid reader and lover of books, it was hard for me to see my son resist reading so much. But more than that, I was worried that there’s more to this struggle and that this issue would have implications for his learning.
As any parents would, we worried…
I struggled to find a way to get through. Worrying just made it worse, because every reading session, every evening was painful. I realized I need to use my knowledge and experience here, even though it’s so much harder when it’s YOU who has the issue, and not a client. And so, I remember the moment I decided that I couldn’t lead with worry and anxiety. I decided that if I wanted him to be a reader, I couldn’t lead with negativity or my own frustration.
It was a typical evening, my son holding a book with tears in his eyes. I looked at him and promised from the bottom of my heart that reading would change his life. Those books are incredible. That he could learn anything he wanted in the world, and that he would have the potential of doing anything with the power of reading. I don’t know if he believed me, but I think he was at the very least intrigued by my passion for books. I want to believe that by leading with positivity, something moved just the tiniest bit.
Slowly, we made progress.
We read at his pace, books he chose. My husband came up with the idea to read before showering since our son had more energy than right before bed. We celebrated every tiny milestone and achievement. Another huge part of this positive movement was the Elephant and Piggie book series, by Mo Willems. I believe these books are magical, a gift to humanity (seriously!!). They provided a good dose of humor, kindness, and love, in books that are fun to read.
So here’s my main takeaway from this experience, and many similar ones I explore with parents…
When we are worried or concerned about our children we tend to turn the heat up on the topic, creating more pressure and conflict. Our worried energy and our deep desire to fix the problem are not actually helpful and will often push our kids in the wrong direction. It’s 100% human to feel anger, anxiety, fear, helplessness, and aggravation. We shouldn’t stop ourselves from feeling those feelings, that’s impossible. But we need to recognize them, name them, and deal with them, ideally separately from children, so we can actually make it better.
What to do instead?
Parents should align on the challenge and the plan. If you are parenting with another person, you should first get on the same page about what to do next.
Have conversations with your child. Listen to what they have to say about what’s going on. And then come up with a plan for what’s next.
Keep it sensible and sustainable - as much as we would love for all problems and challenges to be fixed right away, that is not likely to be the case. So make sure whatever plan you put in place is one you can handle.
Follow up - with your child and with your co-parent… is there any improvement? How’s everyone feeling?
Celebrate milestones and effort - not just the end result
And lastly, talk to a professional if needed. There are always people out there that can help. Whatever your challenge is, you don’t have to carry it alone… Whether the challenge or worry is related to health, eating, well-being, mood, self-image, friendships, or anything else, there are professionals out there who can help.
Also, I’d love to hear from you! Click on the link to share a thought, or tell me which home organizing or parenting topics you’d like to read more about.
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